Child Approved Parenting
In the last issue, some of you received the information that in this issue I would let you know why this is called Child Approved Parenting. If you want to know, just click on the link at the top of the newsletter, just above this paragraph. If there is no link, you can go to http://www.parentchildteacher.com/chap.html
However, I’ve decided to keep all newsletters instructionally informative. The other information you can find on my website. This issue is going to be about vacation travel…driving. Both articles are excerpted from different ebooks that I have written. The first is from the ebook Good Parent Good Kids. The second, “Keeping It Respectful,” is from the Column Book. This was made up of newspaper columns. In that column the reader was “offered practical, respectful options leading to win-win solutions to the problems arising between adults and children in everyday life.” Most of the questions were asked by people in the local community. I hope you enjoy them both and find them helpful.
Traveling With A Crawler
Everything and everyone is packed into the car, except Dylan and Amanda, the mother of the family. Dylan is eight months old and has just started crawling. He’s been crawling from room to room since he got up this morning watching everyone else get ready to go, exploring whatever anyone would let him explore.
Amanda goes to Dylan and shows him his travel cup with juice in it. She bends down to pick him up, “Come on, Dylan, it’s time to go. Would you like some juice?”
Dylan sits up and reaches up to her and the cup. She picks him up and hands him the cup. He drinks thirstily, as she carries him out to the car. When she starts to put him in his car seat, he arches his body, let’s his cup fall to the ground, and cries out his protest.
“Oh, no!” says his sister Violet, who had all his things ready for the trip. She was going to be his caretaker in the back seat. His brother Kevin groans.
His mother holds Dylan and comforts him. “It’s okay, Dylan. We’ll work this out. Don’t worry.”
“But, Mom, he has to be in a car seat; it’s the law.
“Yes I know, but we have to work something out that works for him too. Can you imagine seven hours in a car with him screaming every waking minute? I could not do that.”
“Don’t worry, Mom, we would hate it, too,” says Kevin.
“I think we’d better have a family meeting about this,” says Patrick, the dad.
“I’m going to let Dylan crawl out here, so maybe we should have our meeting on the grass,” suggested Amanda.
“I know that most of us are ready to go,” she says, “and that we’ve worked hard to get packed. I realize it might be a little disappointing not to drive right now, but I don’t see how we can. Remember, we have a month of vacation coming up, and I propose that we only drive when Dylan is sleeping or content to be in his car seat. What do you all think of that?”
“I think it’s workable, even if it takes us two or three days to get to the campground. Of course, we could drive at night, that way we’d be sure to be there by tomorrow.”
“But, Dad, I don’t want to drive at night. I like to see where we’re going, and I don’t like to sleep sitting up in the car.”
“It was just a suggestion, not something we have to do. I like to see where we’re going, too.”
“Do you think Dylan will go to sleep soon, Mom?”
“Probably within an hour, or maybe two. This crawling is very exciting for him, but it tires him out, too.”
“I want to go over to Meadow’s house. She said she was going to be home this morning, and I’m sure she’d be glad to see me,” says Violet.
“That sounds fine to me. Why don’t you call her and check it out?”
“Kevin, I’d really like to get out the topo maps and show you some of the hikes I’m planning. Maybe we can decide on one just for the two of us,” says Patrick.
“That sounds great, Dad.”
“Mom, Dad, Meadow is really excited. I’m going over right now. Call me when it’s time to go.”
“Okay, we’ll call you, then we’ll pick you up. Have fun. Patrick, I just love it when we all work together so well, respecting each other and making the best of whatever comes along,” says Amanda.
“Me, too, Sweetheart, me, too. And before long, Dylan will be right in there with the rest of us.”
“That’s just what I was thinking.”
Keeping It Respectful!
Q&A: Until I have current questions from current readers, I will answer questions that I’ve been asked in the past that I believe have current relevance. Below you can find a link so you can ask a question that you would like answered in this newsletter.
Make Your Driving Vacation Fun!
Q: “We’re going to be doing a lot of driving during our vacation this summer. Do you have any suggestions for making this easy and enjoyable?”
T.S., McKinleyville
A: First, it is important for ease and pleasure that your family be used to negotiating mutually agreeable solutions to any disagreements. This keeps tempers even and usually results in more interesting, enjoyable, and adventurous experiences than if the parents are in charge and make all the decisions.
It can be helpful to have some guidelines and agreements for this trip worked out in advance. Just remember that guidelines are designed to be flexible, unlike rules. If decisions are made and put on the list, and at a later time someone needs things to be different, then make agreed-upon changes. If during the vacation one or more of the guidelines proves unacceptable, throw it out. The guidelines are to serve you by helping things go more smoothly, you are not there to serve them.
The following is a list of some possible areas of disagreement to be worked on in a family meeting or a series of family meetings:
- Whether you drive at night, or during the day
- Whether you stop frequently or drive straight through (with small children, planning for frequent stops can make things more pleasant)
- Whether you eat during your driving time or stop and eat (if you eat during driving time, it makes things easier if you have this well planned; making sandwiches on your lap can be messy and frustrating)
- What kind of foods and beverages you are going to have
- Whether the person driving minds being involved in the games or conversation
- How you’re going to decide about music or audio books. (Many, many years ago, driving with five children and four adults in two cars, one of our most rewarding expenditures was to buy cheap, on-sale Walkmans for everyone. This made long hours of driving easy and pleasant. The driver got to listen to the car radio or tape deck.) There are many possible ways to work this out, new more so than then, but if you do it beforehand it can make things easier.
- Who sits where and when
- If pets come along, how they will be cared for and who does what
Make up a list of games and activities so that when someone needs something to do you don’t just have to rely on your memory. You can also have with you what you need: paper, pencils, markers, books, etc. You might even make a trip to the library to look up books on this topic. All the family members might ask their friends for suggestions, and add them to the list.
Realize that all your preparation can help, but that life is full of the unexpected. It is during these times that being practiced at cooperating as a family can bring satisfying results for all.
Power of Respect Question: What could you do to make sure that your vacations are fun for everyone in the family?
Click Here to Ask The Miracle Worker…of Education and Parenting: link (get your question answered in a future newsletter, you can also suggest topics you would like covered)
Video ( no video)
Next Month: We focus on Whining and Tantrums…
I Want To Take The New Mom Quiz!
May your efforts be successful and satisfying.
Best Wishes,
Karen Ryce
The Miracle Worker…of Education and Parenting
